


Low Tide

by Gasian_Gaond



Category: BABYMETAL
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, RPF, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 02:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16232540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gasian_Gaond/pseuds/Gasian_Gaond
Summary: Yui is unable to perform in Babymetal World Tour 2018 and has to stay in Japan. She soon learns that being on break all by herself is far, far from pleasant.





	Low Tide

 

I long for her to phone.

I long for her to whisper sweet nothings to my ears, to give me some kind of semblance of what is happening halfway across the world.

She always called every night after the long-haul flight.

She would describe things in vivid, almost lyrical detail, just so I can feel that I am there with her.

She would tell me that she misses me.

And she would often begin our call every night by saying,

"I can't sleep."

Moa has always had trouble sleeping.

You would expect an only child would be more used to sleeping alone than the others.

Moa is different, and during tours I was always there for her on her side, letting her cuddle my body until she drifted away to sleep.

But now I can't be there for her.

When the news first broke and Moa was lumbered with the responsibility to dance in the place of two people for the entire longed-for tour, she reacted with her usual positive attitude.

She assured everyone that she could do it, that everything would go well until I get back.

She gave everything she could, did everything she could, and as time goes by I'm afraid that she would get overwhelmed by it all.

She wouldn't admit it to me, but it showed a little every time she called me at night after shows, as she went from city to city.

"I wish you were here..."

And the crushing guilt that came with those words is killing me inside.

It causes me to hate my broken self.

It causes me to hate anyone who tells me, "We shall look for an improvement in a few more months..."

It causes me to shut myself off the world for as long as I can.

It causes me to yell and scream at myself, " _You have to go back on the stage now...!_ "

For everyone. For Su.

And for her.

But they will say nothing.

They won't say anything.

Because the one who punishes me the most is myself.

" _You're useless!"_

_"You put so much burden on Moa."_

_"You don't deserve to be in Babymetal!"_

Those words in my mind haunt me in every single waking hour, turning me into a lumbering mess.

Even my family are getting worried of the constant lugubrious expression on my face.

As the day of the concert grew near, I already felt that sinister lull before the storm.

" _People are going to hate it, but they would just have to lump it..."_

" _They are not going to announce it..."_

_"This will be a disaster."_

The news spread through every facet of my life like wildfire.

My whole attempt to keep myself low-profile in college is destroyed in an instant.

I am still a fairly little known celebrity, but that doesn't make being a trending topic for the wrong reasons any easier.

Soon, college becomes unbearable.

Everyone stares, everyone whispers, everyone wonders.

Although they guard my privacy, it still turned into a local trending topic for several days.

When a classmate showed me the Babymetal video stream from Rock on The Range festival, I became so nauseous I almost bolted out of there.

And the voices inside my head only grew louder since then.

" _Stop talking to me."_

_"Please stop talking about me."_

_"I'm Yui Mizuno, who cannot become Yuimetal."_

_"That single useless member of Babymetal."_

This is my punishment.

I should be standing on that stage with them even if it kills me.

And now I would rather choose that than being left alone in Japan.

I couldn't bring myself to go home that day.

I sat in an empty classroom, watching the sun set from the window and imagining it rising in America.

Where the people I love the most in the world are all fighting for myself, against all odds.

Odds that I keep hearing about.

" _What rotten luck this had to happen now."_

" _It just looks horrible without Yuimetal, doesn't it...?"_

_"They're probably just doing it for filthy lucre."_

_"Moametal can't do it without Yuimetal. Look at her. Just so weird."_

_"This is not Babymetal."_

_"Fake Babymetal."_

As I became lost in thought in an empty classroom, trying my hardest to control myself, I buried my face in my hands, letting the drops of tears flow down my cheeks to my long curly hair.

I wish I could do something, anything...

_I wish this all could grind to a halt._

 

* * *

 

Ironically...the only thing that makes my days bearable is the nightly phone call from Moa.

I am always filled with longing to hear her voice.

She always has stories to tell, no matter how ridiculous or boring, and she would try to cheer me up by waxing lyrical about the tour.

"...and then they said to me, 'That's your lot! Don't take anymore!' I was so annoyed! They have plenty of leftovers, why won't they just give them to me? It's such a waste, someone should eat them while they were still lukewarm. And do you know what Su-chan did the whole time? She just laughed at me!  _That girl...!_ "

I can almost hear her pout.

She has this strange power over me that never fails to make me smile.

"You say that, but you love it in America. Especially those large portions."

She laughs. "I missed American food. Now that I'm here, I want to eat as much as I can."

"...don't do that."

"Ehh, why not? It's been awhile," she says, "I miss everything, actually. Now that graduation is done and over with. I miss the atmosphere, the stage, the crowd, the music..."

There is a longish pause.

"...but most of all, I miss performing with you..."

The hesitant tone in her voice is as clear as day.

She hates to make me feel more guilty than I already am. However, I am one of the few people she is willing to open up to.

"...but things are completely going well here!" she hurriedly adds.

I already know, that it is partially a lie.

They might try to hide what is really happening there from me, but I'm not going to pry and ask.

They are all doing this for my sake.

"So...any luck...?" she asks me with a small voice.

There is nothing I can reply to that.

"Same old stuff..." I answer her.

"Ah..." she says, "...It will get better, Yui. I'm sure it will."

"It's not fast enough," I say, frustration filling up my mind, "It's just not. It's too slow. I want to stand on the stage  _right now._ "

"No, hey, you have to be patient--"

"I'm causing a lot of trouble to you all."

"That's just not--"

"And if I hear about one more person disrespecting you I will...I will..."

" _Yui_...!"

I stop, realizing that my breathing is heavier than usual.

I hate this current situation we are in.

Moa has to go on for Babymetal's sake, without me, no matter that we want or think.

In the back of my mind, I selfishly don't want her to go on.

I want her to be here, safe with me, safe from the storm in foreign lands.

"They are very supportive of me," she says quietly, "They all are. Don't worry about me."

I know she is just saying that to calm me down.

I don't really care about myself, I just want the best for them.

And the lack of things to do makes a lot of ludicrous thoughts pass through my mind.

"You should relax and enjoy your break," she tells me lightly, "Get rid of bad thoughts. Go watch Non-san's live show or something."

"I already did that."

"Oh, right. Uhh...what else is there..."

"...you."

I blurt that out without thinking.

After the hassle of exams and high school graduation was over, I find myself missing Moa more and more every day.

As the preparation for the World Tour drew near, she got busy again, and I only got to meet her once or twice before her departure.

I miss her so much.

I need her in my arms.

There is a lull in the conversation before she says, "There is a place I want to go when I get back from America..."

"Oh...where is it?"

"Suzuki Airi-chan's DMAF Café in Harajuku."

My eyes light up. "Is it a date...?"

"Yeah, it's a date."

I smile to myself. Finally something to look forward to.

"Say good night to Su for me," I say, "And the best of luck with your next concert."

"Thank you," she replies, "And Yui...?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

By this point I have heard her say these words to me many times.

But it is never any less warm, any less sweet, any less calming...

I have this girl on my side, who will support me no matter what.

And for me, that is more precious than anything.

We are in this for the long haul.

We will walk this path together, the way we always do.

We will continue to fight, together.

"I love you too... Moa."

 

* * *

 

The US tour began with a rough start, but ended with a triumphant return.

Moa sent me a lot of photos of the tour, along with playful captions such as "Cool costumes!", "Tasty burgers!", "We miss you, Yui!" or sometimes weird jokes that got completely lost on me.

Looking at the pictures make me miss them even more, and I find myself looking forward to the weekend after Moa comes home.

When the long-awaited day finally arrives, I am beyond excited.

I put on my favorite denim midi dress, a hat and a face mask before heading out to meet her in front of Harajuku station.

During the weekend, Harajuku is truly bustling with people. From little kids to their grandparents, well-dressed and quirkily-dressed people roam the streets of the fashion center of Tokyo.

I look around for Moa, waiting patiently as I watch the people around me, and only take off my mask once I see her emerging from the crowd.

She beams when she sees me, her dimples forming perfect grooves on her cheeks.

"Yui...!"

Moa is wearing an unzipped black hoodie over a shirt and a white skirt. She looks a little tired, her eyes a little baggier than usual, but otherwise still as happy and energetic as ever. The shades of brown on her long straight hair can be clearly seen under the sunlight.

I feel that familiar jolt in my stomach as she entwines her fingers with mine.

And she pulls me through the crowd, with her hair fluttering under the sunlight.

I have seen pictures of her in this year's costume.

She looks so beautiful in it with her hair down, and definitely enjoys trying out a new look.

Before anything else, I just feel I want to tell that to her.

After we order our drinks, I look down at my phone and say to her, "It suits you."

"Excuse me...?"

"The costume," I mumble, "Looks nice on you."

She grins. "Thanks! Do I look cool?"

"You do."

"I still think it doesn't look 'evil' enough, though...so I asked them to change my makeup, add something black around my eyes or something...but they refused, haha."

"That would look pretty scary."

"But it could be fun! Moametal never looked scary before."

I laugh when she tries making some low-pitched growls. Moa simply loves trying new things.

"But, you know...that's not important," she says, "What I really want is...seeing you try that new costume."

She stirs her straw with a shy smile, and I suddenly feel my cheeks burning.

"That's...I can't do that now."

"I know..." she replies, "I just think you'd look very stunning."

Unable to contain my embarrassment, I try to steer the topic away from me.

Soon, she is already rambling about the tour, the food she ate, the tourist spots she managed to visit, and her interactions with Su and the new dancers.

"...we drew lots and whoever lost had to carry our bags for the rest of the trip that day. Maruyama-san did, but she was so strong she didn't even break a sweat! I'm a little jealous..." she says, "I heard she starred in an action movie. I'd love her to teach me more moves..."

"You're pretty strong too," I remark, "You just have...height disadvantage."

"Just say I'm short, thank you," she grumbles.

I chuckle and she gives me a pout.

So cute.

"...so...Yui..." she begins a bit hesitantly, "How's it going...?"

"How's what going?" I ask without looking.

"Um...I don't know...life...college...?"

"Hm... Dad's recently got into gardening," I tell her, "He's been trying to turn out backyard into a low-maintenance garden."

"Oh...that's nice," she comments, "But...what about you...?"

"Me? Nothing special going on," I answer briefly.

"Oh..."

There is an awkward silence between us, as we are surrounded by the chortles of the guests and the sound of people ordering and serving drinks.

Putting on her usual smile on her face, she leans to me and says with a soft voice, "If there is anything that bothers you, if there is anything I can do, please tell me, okay? I'm here for you."

I stare at her face, noticing the concern in her eyes.

As luck would have it, I could work together with Moa for nearly 8 years.

It wasn't an entirely smooth ride, we also faced problems over the years. It hurts us sometimes, but we complete each other, rely on each other.

She is the person who makes me believe in soulmates.

And I am lucky to have met her so early in my life.

This has always been my problem from the start. I have to be more honest with her. To show her that I truly love her and trust her.

"...Moa, do you have anything to do after this...?"

"Hm? No, why do you ask...?"

"Can we...stop by my house on our way back...?" I ask, glancing around, "It's a little too crowded in here."

"Oh..." she blinks, "Yeah, sure, let's."

She looks a little confused.

We awkwardly leave and head back to the station.

Moa doesn't ask any further questions. As soon as she knows I need it, she would do it without hesitation.

She keeps holding my hand as we get back, as if she is afraid of letting go.

And during the whole way, she cracks jokes and flashes me her warmest smiles.

Like I can never ask for a better girlfriend.

I lean against her shoulder inside the crowded train, and she sneaks a kiss on my temple.

She laughs when I shyly bury my face in her shoulder.

We stay in that position until the train arrives at our destination.

Her sweet scent follows me back to my home.

She is patient and careful, and never once did she demand me to tell her everything straightaway.

We just sit on the bed and chat lightly, at least until she playfully lunges at me and we end up snuggling on the bed, lying side by side.

She wraps her arms around me and gives me a kiss on the forehead, as I slowly begin to recount to her everything that has happened when she was touring in America.

She quietly listens to my every word, giving me a calming rub on my head when I pause or get a little overwhelmed.

After I finish, she gives me a squeeze and remarks with a tiny voice, "I see..."

"It is better, now...but the first few days were really hard for me...and I'm also worried for you..."

"Me? Oh," she chuckles, "Eeh...I didn't feel that much pressure myself. I just...went along with it. It was pretty fun. But I also have...uh...what those people call...lust for life? I just go along with what people expect of me, I guess..."

I am aware of that.

Moa has this power to inspire people, to make people appreciate life through her blinding smiles...

"But you have that power too, Yui," she says.

"Me...?"

"Yeah. I heard them calling your name. I saw them playing with tomato beach balls. They also want to see you, Yui. We are all waiting for your return."

It's everywhere.

I'm really happy and grateful about that, but it's everywhere.

And I hate myself for wishing that everything could go on as normal even without me there.

Moa did her best for everyone only for her hard work to be called "fake Babymetal".

How am I supposed to be happy about that...?

I can't just sit here and luxuriate in all the attention.

When she sees that I don't respond, she pinches both of my cheeks.

"Ouch...! What's that for? ?"

"Stop being so serious all the time."

I gape at her.

"I don't care what anyone says," she tells me, "Well okay... to be honest I did care and it did sting a little bit, but as long as I can make more people happy and smile, I won't stop performing. I won't even listen to you."

I keep silent. She takes a deep breath and continues.

"You are thinking about it too much. We will continue as we always have..." she says, planting a kiss on my cheek, "And if anyone bothers you in college, tell me who it is so I can strangle them."

That gives me a chuckle.

"I'm serious. I practice judo. "

"No way. Nobody needs to be strangled," I laugh as I snuggle closer to her, "Oh, what am I going to do without you...?"

"Hmph," she snorts, "Nobody is allowed to hurt my girlfriend."

Being in love is a funny thing.

You can tell her painful stories and she could make you laugh out loud the next.

She then tells me that my long-drawn-out absence wouldn't affect her dedication to the fans and the stage.

"...and Su-chan! That girl, she just kept  _teasing_  me!" she grumbles, "...or maybe that is just her way to cope."

"Her way to cope?"

"Well she obviously misses you..." she says, "But seems like she won't admit it to me. She keeps telling me to look in on you."

"...I'm causing a lot of trouble for everyone..."

"We all miss you, but we will wait patiently for your return, okay?" she presses her forehead to mine and closes her eyes, "Just relax for now. Relax and enjoy your break."

That's really hard for me to do.

But when I look at her peaceful face, and listen to her trying to convince me that everything will be alright, a part of me wants to believe in her.

"...well, Yui, I guess it's getting pretty late. Time for me to love you and leave you-"

"No."

"Eh...?"

I tighten my hug around her, refusing to let go.

"Stay with me," I say with a small voice.

I won't be able to meet her for another week when she is in Europe. I want to spend more time with her.

She stares at me for a bit, then returns my hug with a sigh. "Yui, why are you so freaking cute...?"

"You're cuter."

"Are you blind?"

"Maybe you are."

We laugh together and continue snuggling on the bed until it becomes too late for her to stay.

A lot of things that happened are beyond our control.

We all move forward.

Charging forward to that new brighter future without ever looking back, each in our own way.

It is a long haul, but we will overcome any obstacle, just like we always have.

We will never give up.


End file.
